13. Blue Van Woman

I had dilemma.

It would appear (Facebook) that the man who abused me is getting married again.  I have seen various photos that suggest to me that he is asking / making the new woman wear the sort of clothes and shoes that I had to wear.  It’s not a huge leap to think that he will be ‘asking’ the same behaviours of her.  I am concerned that the abuse will escalate once they are married, it definitely did for me.

Should I warn her?

So I contemplated this dilemma whilst away in the van. And chatted it through with a trusted ‘professional’ and friend.

  My ex always claimed that other people’s problems were of their making and nothing to do with us.  A position that I consider to be unkind and neglectful. Hence the dilemma.

Saying something has it’s risks and who do I say it to?

Returning to the social media picture.

I could see on FB that they were now engaged.

And yes, I know I would do well to stop looking at his posts.

Then a very disturbing picture arrived.  It was very triggering to me and suggested to me that the woman was heading for real danger.  I thought about this for 48 hours.  I looked at my options – do nothing, try to contact her, report to the police.

These are big decisions.

Yes, she is a grown woman and can make her own decisions.  And yes, she might not want to know, or she does know but puts up with it.  And I might incur his wrath.  But he has form, but there is a law now against non-fatal strangulation.

I tentatively phoned 101.

The police were amazing.

The initial call handler passed me to someone who could take the details and then, within an hour, I was on a video call, telling the whole sorry story.  The officer needed details and he made it possible for me to tell him hideous things.  He never once appeared shocked or uncomfortable but was wonderfully and appropriately sympathetic.  I explained my reasons for ringing and he agreed with me that it was a matter of concern and they would deal with it.

He asked if I wanted to prosecute (which I don’t) but said it was logged if I changed my mind.

Never once did he ask why I hadn’t left him sooner nor in any way insinuate that it was my fault.

Why am I telling you?

I want anyone who has been through what I have been through to know that you can do something about it, if you choose to. It is not your responsibility and  I know not everyone gets this response and may feel reticent.

But there is help out there and you can ask for help for those you are worried about.

Written by Marion, hosted by Carrie 

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