She’s on the change

I’ve not been myself for as long as I can remember. I don’t really know who I really am.

Des says it happened in my 50’s, but deep down it happened long before then. I never felt good enough, from early on he put me down, humiliated me in front of friends
“ignore her, she’s on the change”.
Nobody said a word, just pitying looks.

He said everything I did was inadequate or purposely to annoy him.

And I started to believe him.

I knew I didn’t feel right, my body ached, my head fuzzy, fearful of doing anything alone. I needed Des to drive, to be with me in social settings or make everyday decisions. A constant sense of worry overwhelmed me. Des liked it that way. He enjoyed me fading away.

I could see the pleasure in his eyes. 

The chronic fear that I was losing my mind, my body failing me, my identity gone.

Hot sweats at night, itchy skin during the day.

I feel like I’m stuck in a maze unable to see clearly or escape. A spider trapped in my own web, have I created it or has Des?

I rage silently.

Bev x

( Bev is a fictional woman)

What might be happening to Bev?

How is Des intentionally controlling Bev? 

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